The Passion According to G.H.

I pushed today to finish this thing. And having finished, I have to wonder, why did I finish this book?

“I was seeing something that would only make sense later—I mean, something that only later would profoundly not make sense. Only later would I understand: what seems like a lack of meaning—that’s the meaning. Every moment of “lack of meaning” is precisely the frightening certainty that that’s exactly what it means, and that not only can I not reach it, I don’t want to because I have no guarantees. The lack of meaning would only overwhelm me later. Could realizing the lack of meaning have always been my negative way of sensing the meaning? it had been my way of participating.”

That quote is very representative of all the prose in this story(?) and, additionally explains perhaps the overall meaning of the text. Or it doesn’t.

The overall narrative is by and about the protagonist G.H, a self-made, independent, wealthy sculptor who lives in the penthouse of an (I assume) Rio de Janiero skyscraper. The day after her latest maid quits G.H. investigates the maid’s room and discovers that the maid (apparently) drew on the wall behind the door a bas-relief floor to ceiling drawing of G.H. and a man. Though not stated specifically, I assume the image was not flattering.

G.H. then starts poking around looking for further damage and in that process opens an armoire only to discover a cockroach which starts crawling to the front of the cabinet. G.H. freaks out, impulsively slamming the cabinet door, which then crushes the cockroach leaving its head and eyes half emerged. Then some white pus(?) emerges from the bug’s broken carapace and G.H. spends a significant amount of verbiage debating on whether or not she needs to eat the white goo. She also passes out at one point. Later on, she does eat the white goo then she spits out the white goo.

My takeaway is that the entire book is cryptic with each chapter a self contradictory screed. G.H. comes off as petty and mean. I have the feeling that there ought to be some intertextual communication between this text and “The Metamorphosis”… if only I could explain it.

The biggest benefit to me reading this book is that it gives me a writing style that I would love to be able to mimic, so I have an exercise for myself.